Do memories of sibling rivalry come to mind from your youth? Yes, and I remember what caused it. Jealousy! “The green-eyed monster.” That thing had my sister hating and threatening me, and I really wanting to beat the mess out of her. And it all began with her perception that I was the favored child.

 

For me, I saw it differently; she was the favored child. She got what she wanted, when she wanted it, regardless of the cost. In the 70s she got $35 shoes because she had big feet, and expensive taste, while my shoes were $12. But I settled for whatever our parents could afford. On the other hand, while my parents cared for me more in my times of health crisis, which were many back then; my sister was left in the shadows of my needs. And she felt rejected.

 

Raising children is not an easy task. But raising children with distinct personalities, emotional and physical needs, is even more daunting. Where my parents couldn’t exactly give us the same attention, they did try to keep the balance of fairness; especially for meeting the financial needs.

 

Like I mentioned before, when my sister got a pair of $35 shoes, I got a pair of $12 shoes. So, to keep the financial balance in check, my parents purchased two more pairs of shoes for me. My sister got the expensive shoes she wanted, and I got two additional pairs of shoes. We were all happy.

 

It seems like a straightforward solution, doesn’t it? But it isn’t, it’s a balancing act. As a parent, you want to provide well for your children and you want to raise them with values, while teaching them to not be selfish and self-centered. That’s not a simple thing to do, but it is necessary to strive for it.

 

My parents not only took this approach with the shoes, but with all the financial issues concerning my sister and I. If I needed extra money for school, she got the same amount. This is the one area of my childhood that I really appreciate, because it kept my sister and me equal. I never got more financially than she did. However, with emotional needs, both of us lacked the attention we needed, because my parents just didn’t know how to meet those needs. They were not walking with God, so he couldn’t meet theirs. But what they knew, they did well.

 

For years, my sister and I feuded over the favoritism; she more than I. In her heart, she really believed that our parents loved me more. After I gave my life to Christ, I sat with Him and we talked about it. I was all argued out, and I had no defense. What He helped me to understand is that our parents didn’t exactly favor either of us. What they did was focus on meeting the individual needs. My sister’s need to look good was a primary value in her life because she aspired to become a model. For me, the need was survival. I was sick, scared, and I didn’t want to die.

 

Because God took the time to explain it to me, I could explain it to my sister. And now she and I are very close. We both realized that our parents loved us the best way they knew how as individuals. She now has two daughters and realizes that their needs are different, too. And just like us, her daughters think one is favored over the other. But that’s not true, they’re just loved differently, but with the same heart.

 

Parents, love your children equally while you meet the individual needs. Keep the balance of love, so when the topic of favoritism rears its ugly head, you will know the truth. And remember, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8, NIV).