After you have prayed and heard from God about this person, and assessed his/her authenticity, then you can proceed to the friendship phase. First, let’s see the dictionary’s definition of a friend. “One attached to another by respect or affection, or one who is not hostile.”

 

Did you see that? If I had known this definition, it would have saved me a lot of heartache in my marriage. By the time it ended, I knew he wasn’t my friend. During our last conversation, he asked me if we could be friends, and I told him, “You are not my friend, but I am not your enemy, either.” Afterward, I forgave him and let him go.

 

The friendship phase of mating is crucial for the longevity of the relationship. My ex-husband and I were so busy trying to impress each other, but we never took the time to assess each other. For that reason, we overlooked all the lies and foolishness that drew us together. To this very day, I can tell you that, I really can’t tell you who my ex-husband is, and he could probably say the same about me.

 

I don’t want you to suffer the kind of shame and hurt that we had to suffer by rushing into a marriage without properly understanding and knowing the person you are marrying. You don’t want to wake up one morning realizing you married someone who is hostile and disrespectful to you, or feel like you have a love/hate relationship with them. With proper counseling, you can probably overcome this situation, but there are a lot of people who won’t even receive counseling—my ex-husband was one of them.

 

I’m begging you to take your time and build a good friendship first. Don’t even think about marriage at all. Enjoy each other’s friendship. You don’t have to force it, let it happen naturally, and one day you’re just going to wake up and realize—I want this person in my life for the rest of my life. I enjoy him/her, and I would love to make a lasting matrimonial covenant with him/her. From a strong and supportive friendship will come a strong and supportive mating/courtship.

 

Reference:

Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary. (1994). Tenth Edition. Springfield, MA