Did you know that the biggest reason most relationships fail is because of unmet expectations? Most divorces occur due to lack of preparation, anger, infidelity, and unmet expectations. When we don’t get what we expect, we become disillusioned with the relationship/marriage.

 

When my sixteen-year-old granddaughter was asked by a friend, “What do you think is the reason for relationships failing?” 

 

Her reply was, “No patience, no communication, inconsistency, wishy-washy, no real loyalty, no trust, indecisiveness, mindsets, morals, values, priorities, and an entitlement spirit, all of these things factor into a relationship not lasting” (A. Scott).

 

I couldn’t have said it better myself. All of those attributes definitely play a major role in why most relationships fail. The questions to ask are: did the relationship fail due to someone becoming selfish (self-centered), or did one or both of you fail to meet the expectations of your mate; which ended the relationship?

 

I can tell you from sad experiences that unmet expectations will derail your relationships if you don’t get realistic about what you should expect and when. Sometimes, we expect too much from the mate too soon. Sometimes, we are disheartened when the mate doesn’t perform to our romantic or financial expectations. Sometimes, we just don’t know what we should expect. Which is a problem within itself. And sometimes, we are just so broken and empty inside that we don’t have anything to give to the relationship that brings value.

 

Every relationship has value goals, which are expectations that are required to create a healthy and enjoyable fellowship and union. But the expectations are negotiable. They are not a one-size fits all relational standard, because expectations are not all character driven, most of them are value driven.

 

We want our mate to treat us in a certain way or act a certain way in which we think brings value to us or the relationship. However, the values of any relationship must be established by the couple in the relationship. The value goals of one couple may not be the value goals of another. Or of either of the people within the couple. He may value one way of being appreciated, and she may value another. His version of a mate/couple/family may be completely opposite of what her version is.

 

Together they will have to figure out what makes them feel appreciated as a person and also as part of a couple before they decide to become a family. This is not a hard task; you simply need to communicate to negotiate. To do that effectively, you must be honest enough with your mate to talk about your expectations. By doing this you will create the ideal relational dynamic that brings pleasure, joy, peace, and relational success.

 

Prayer:

Father, please help me and my mate to be honest enough to share our inner-most feelings concerning our expectations of our version of togetherness. Help each one of us to search deep within our hearts to come to a place of understanding what our emotional, relational, financial and physical needs within the relationship are. Then help us to communicate those needs to each other in a way that is respectful, truthful and negotiable. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.