The value driven relationship will require special attention on your part. It will require that you are not just interested in someone, but that you are also observant. After my first conversation with my ex-husband, I hung up the phone and immediately heard, "Warning, warning!" This was accompanied by the sound of bells, the kind that you hear at a railroad crossing, "ding, ding, ding, ding."

 

I knew it was the Holy Spirit speaking to me, but I overlooked His wise counsel and continued to fellowship with him thinking I was doing the Christian thing by not judging him for his past mistakes. I later found out that my good intentions were not righteously sound, nor did they mitigate a sound relationship. I should have just heeded the warning, trusting that God knows what's best for me.

 

As a new believer, I did not understand what I should have been looking for from a friend or a mate. Although he and I continued to talk and eventually entered into a relationship that led to a marriage, we really never understood what value we were bringing into the relationship. We both were so broken, needy, and lonely that we just accepted each other as is, hoping that we would eventually get what we hoped for as the relationship progressed. We never did because our relational values were so different. Mine were more spiritual, his were more natural (carnal).

 

I have learned since then to be very aware and observant of the people in my life. Not to say that I bring more value, because I may not bring the value that is meaningful to their lives, but rather, to understand what they value; which will help determine if we are compatible as friends or mating partners.

 

Most relationships fail because of unmet expectations which directly relates to value inconsistencies. If you as a women value communication and he communicates through giving gifts or financial provision, you may feel like he really does not care about you. That may not be true, it just may mean that you both value showing love and appreciation differently.

 

It is vitally important that as family, friends, or mates we take the time to communicate our relational needs. This often is not done when mating because most of us, me included, just jumped into a relationship with the person who showed up, hoping for the best. Can I just be transparent? I had absolutely, no business in the dating/mating business! I realize that back then I wasn't sowing enough value into any relationship; including the relationship with myself, to be able to reap any value from any of them. Basically, I got out what I put in. Although, I thought I was bringing value into my marriage, what I was really bringing was brokenness, neediness, insecurity, loneliness, and ineptness, which all directly correlated with desperation.

 

Value fellowship ask the questions:

•Do you know how to love?

•Are you so desperate to be loved that you just accept the first person who shows up, even though they bring no value to your life, or treats you with no value?

 

Value fellowship initiates Inspiration:

•You accept the one who sees your value and inspires you to oneness because of their value generosity toward you

•You are so filled to overflowing with God and His love, that you have His overflowing love to share with a mate

 

The way we see people will be the way we treat people. Guess what? The way we see ourselves will also be the way people treat us. The value driven relationship is a necessity in loving relationships. However, it does not begin with the loving fellowship of other people, it must begin with you loving yourself. From this loving relationship, all other value fellowships and relationships will be recognized, healthy, and appreciated.

 

Prayer:

Father, please help me to recognize areas of self-devaluation. I don’t mean to see myself in such a negative light, but I sometimes don’t know how to appreciate who I am. I know You value me, but I need to know how to value myself, separate from the praise of others. Thank You for helping me to love and value myself as You do, so that I will require or inspire others to do the same. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.