“All a person's ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the LORD.”

(Proverbs 16:2, NIV)

Surprisingly, there are very few singles in this world that know how to mate correctly, even in the Body of Christ. I was one of them. My family taught me nothing about dating or mating because they had not been taught. So, every one of us mated through trial and error, lots of errors, which is not how you want to build your family. You don’t want to guess your way through building the second most important relationship of your life and family; marriage. Oneness with God is the first.

When God sat me down to begin this relational educational healing process, the first thing He asked me was, “When did you first get the desire to be married? Why?”

At six years old, I was desiring something I definitely wasn’t prepared to handle because I was needing something that I definitely wasn’t getting; affection. Don’t get me wrong; my family did their best, and I did mine too, but our best left us wounded and searching for love and affection elsewhere.

Because God was not our center, our lives were filled with heartache, heartbreak and emotional rejection. The relationships we chose were flawed and filled with anger, hurt and abandonment. It is for this reason God called me to this ministry. I didn’t ask for it, and initially; I didn’t want it. 

When God asked me to write my story, I cried through the entire first chapter. Those hidden hurts were just too much to face again. My story didn’t make any sense to me, so I couldn’t see any way that it could be used for God’s work. My calling is to help God make sure that no other child or family has to suffer that way, and no other single has to make the mistakes we made. Family life is God’s passion, and He desires for us to succeed.

Not all couples fail. There are some very successful couples in the world, and most of the time it’s because they’ve been properly prepared. Someone took the time to minister marital understanding and relational soundness to them. But there are other couples that struggle just to get along; simply because they jumped into a relationship before they were prepared to be there. 

If you are like me, you want better for yourself and your family, and we are not settling for anymore thrown together relationships just to say we have somebody. There will be “No More Broken Pieces!” and “No More Broken Covenants!”

If I sound angry, it’s because I am, but not at anyone in particular. I’m angry for us! We don’t have to get hurt by mating wrong another day. However, we must get wisdom and understanding. To do that, we must face the truth about ourselves. Now, let me ask you the question God asked me, “When did you first get the desire to be married? Why?”

This is where I need you to be as honest with yourself as you can be. You’re going to have to examine your truest desire. It can be that you see marriage as a natural progression in life. Or you have been ridiculed for still being single at your age. Or you just hate being alone. Whatever the reason is for you desiring to mate; you must understand why marriage is so important to you, and if your motive for mating and marriage is the right motive. Most of the time, it’s not. But we tend to use mating and marriage as the means to escape our singleness; and often, our brokenness.

We have been taught in many societies, that to be single means that you are cursed or not attractive enough. But none of this is true. Your still single; as a believer, because God needs to prepare you for mating and marriage. With His assistance and wisdom, you will be ready at the same time that He is ready to bring you and your mate together.

I need you to take a few days or weeks to ponder this question. Dig deep within your soul and get blatantly truthful. What you will find, is that your motives may be selfish or that you are needy of something that a marriage cannot give you. Don’t worry, God can. He just needs you to see yourself in truth and with clarity. He desires for you to be educated so you won’t continue to perpetuate the cycle of relational brokenness within your life and family. He also desires to mate you the right way, at the right time, with the right person, in righteousness.

I’m sorry, I told you, I may hurt your feelings, but I promise, if you stay with me on this journey, God will heal your heart and give you the wisdom and understanding you so desire and need for your relational and family success.

Now just breathe! It’s going to be okay!!!

Prayer:

Father, please help me to examine my motives for mating. If I am being selfish, remove it! If I am running from something, reveal it! But please, don't let me use the sacred institution of Holy Matrimony and the mating process as a place to escape any pain of the past or present. Make me over into the suitable single that You see me as being. And prepare me rightly for marriage and a healthy family life. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.