I'm so in love. Remember when you said that? I do. But I really wasn’t in love, I was in lust and that’s the complete opposite of love. At the time I didn’t understand who love was, what being in love was supposed to be like, or what my purpose and responsibility was in love. I was just winging it. Honestly! Since then God has opened my eyes and now, I realize that love isn’t just something that happens, but something that is purposed. 

 

Entering into a love relationship is entering into a covenant to care for someone. It’s not something that we should take lightly. My misconception was that I was the one who needed all the caring for. God showed me that I was completely selfish and lacked true understanding of my purpose in love, which is to care for and love my mate. For years I just thought that you “fell in love” and the other person would woo you and take care of your needs. Wrong. In God’s sight love is a giver, not a taker. 

 

Too many times I’ve heard people say, “I can’t wait to get me husband/wife so he/she can……for me.” I once heard a sister say she needed a husband so he could wash her car and she wouldn't have to do it anymore. I thought, God’s not answering that, it’s one of those selfish desires. But that’s how we see love; from the perspective of getting, not giving. Love is greater than that and more purposeful than self-centeredness. 

 

Love always seeks the greater good of the other person. It’s not selfish or greedy. It takes into account the needs of others and seeks to meet those needs. I think John 3:16 is a perfect illustration of the embodiment of love, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16, NIV).

 

Let’s just meditate on that for a moment. Specifically, on the point that, “He gave his one and only Son,” that’s incredible. And that’s love. Unlike God who is always thoughtful, our version of love may be filled with thoughts and actions that are self-serving. And this is why most relationships fail. 

 

God has impressed upon me to examine my motives for wanting to be in a relationship, especially holy matrimony. I admit that it hasn’t been easy to see my own insecurities and selfish motives for marriage. But by taking a look at the truth about myself, I was able to see the faults that kept me from having a successful relationship. All those years that I thought I was ready; I was the least ready for a committed relationship. First, I had to get beyond my own needs, so that I could see that my mate has needs that I should be focused on. 

 

I don’t have to concern myself with me being loved, that’s my mate’s responsibility; my responsibility is to ensure him that I have the ability, and the heart capacity to love him authentically. Not just with words, but with actions that express a deep, heartfelt affection and appreciation for him. Our purpose in love is simply, to love the other person in the relationship. Not to chase after love for ourselves. 

 

God asked me a question that changed the way I think about love, let me ask you the same question, “If you’re so focused on loving yourself and your mate is focused on loving you, then who’s loving him/her?”

 

Think about it!