Years after my daughter was born, I struggled as a mother. Although I wanted her, I was so unprepared to mother her. I felt like I was going to pull my hair out. I kept asking God for a husband so I could just be Mommy. I was fine with the financial aspect of parenting, and I was fine with the emotional aspects of it, but I couldn’t stand the aspect of having to be the nurturer and the disciplinarian. I felt like I was the “good cop” one day and the “bad cop” the next, and I didn’t always want to be the one to handle everything.

 

There were days when I just wanted to cuddle her and enjoy the girly things. Some days I just wanted to play in her hair and dress her up all neat and pretty. And some days I just wanted to gaze on the blessedness of having her and enjoy her smile. But other days I regretted having to be so hard on her to ensure that she kept the respect for God, me, herself, and living right. And I regretted the days when I had to teach her about the scary things in life.

 

I always hear women say, “I’m Mommy and Daddy,” and proclaim it as a badge of honor, but that’s not true. God did not design us for dual roles. And I was crying out in my soul for release from a role and responsibility that wasn’t mine to carry. As much as I tried to do it all, at the end of the day; all I could be was Mommy.

 

It’s clear to me now, but that’s only because I got to experience firsthand that getting married doesn’t always change the family for the better. In my attempt to just be Mommy, I married a man who was not equipped to be a good daddy. And although my intentions to at least give my child a stepfather were good, the way I went about it wasn’t. Even though I was married, he never lived with us. 

 

It was after that fiasco that I realized; all I can be is Mommy, so I’m going to be the best Mommy I can be. After so many years of feeling like single motherhood was a curse; I learned, “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up” (Psalm 27:10, KJV). And that revelation set me free.

 

I stopped thinking of myself as both mother and father and enjoyed just being Mommy, because I knew my daughter had a Father that was out of this world. Anytime I needed him to discipline and correct her, he did. When I needed him to provide for her, he did. And when I needed him to teach her the right way to live, he did. Even when I couldn’t be with her, he was and still is.

 

I taught her about the Lord, and she gave her life to Christ at 16. Because she became a born-again Christian, God became her father, and he is the best father I can give her as her mother. I couldn’t become the father that she needed, and I couldn’t give her an earthly replacement, but I could introduce her to someone who wanted to take the place of her absent father and love her like no other, including me. And while she got a great father, I got a great helping hand to lead and guide both of us. Hallelujah!!!

 

I know parenting is challenging, but the real challenge is letting go and letting God help us. We were never meant to parent apart from him; he gifted us our children to parent them through him. Just taking a step back from trying to be everything to my daughter helped me to be what she really needed me to be the most: her loving mother. In doing that, I found out that God can and will pick up the slack and provide what we lack. 

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Sorrowfully, my beautiful daughter went home to be with the Lord on November 29, 2024, after battling cervical cancer for two years. I was there to care for her, and I watched God usher her into his peace.