Much To Be Grateful For

In these perilous times that were predicted in the Bible, there is still much to be grateful for. My family and I were preparing for my biological father’s viewing, and my heart was at rest. He and I have had a tough time of father/daughter bonding, but even through the difficulties, I have what I call “Father/Daughter Moments.”

God asked me a question the day of his passing, before I knew of his passing, “How are you going to handle your father’s passing?"

I didn’t find out for three days after my uncle, who broke the news to me, found out. At that moment, I felt no sorrow, only numbness. I had been mourning the loss of my father over and over in my life. He was there, then he wasn’t there. I met him for the first time when I was seventeen. From that time forward, I was always trying to figure out who he was. I had heard all the negative stories about him. But I wanted to know who he was, to know who I was. He lied quite a bit and was very irresponsible. After 39 years of that, I was done with it. I had to let my father go two years prior to his passing because of something I found out about him that was so disturbing; I had to back away. I couldn’t take anymore drama concerning him. A few days after his passing, the Lord asked, “Where is the value for you?”

I thought about it for a while, then it came to me, “My life. I am alive only because of you, my father and my mother.” Then I thought about it a bit more, realizing that we had a few happy “Father/Daughter Moments” that are embedded in my heart and memory.

When I had my heart surgery at eighteen years old, he was there. The day I brought my daughter home from the hospital, he was the person who came to get us. From the day we met when I was seventeen years old, he was always proud of me. And then I realized something very significant about the man I was trying to get to know as dad. When we spoke, he never once spoke ill of anyone, family member or friend.

He spoke about how he felt about them, but it was never evil towards them. That was a genuine revelation concerning him, because everyone who knew him only knew and spoke of his terrible reputation. I am more saddened by the fact that we don’t know for sure if his relationship with God was authentic. He went to church services and was a part of the ministry, but couldn’t seem to live righteously. I am not his judge; that’s between him and God.

When I think of him, I would much rather remember the good qualities about him that I have inherited. He was a talker, and a very articulate speaker. My writing and speaking gifts came from that side of the family. My reading and storytelling gifts came from my mother’s side of the family; they are amazing verbal storytellers. He was also the only parent with whom I could have real conversations, with no judgement.

In times when so many elders and loved ones are leaving us, we must remember to cherish the wonderful memories of them. I have determined that with God’s help, I will live my life in a way that brings honor to God and my biological father's name. I can’t do away with the reputation that he created for himself, but I will try to recreate a better reputation for our family’s sake.

Regardless of the past, we should still be grateful for their contributions to our lives. Then we should live in a way that honors God and their memory. Remember, we didn't get to choose our parents, and they didn't get to choose us, but somehow through it all, God made us family. And we must be grateful for the family we have, despite the issues and imperfections. And considering that some people don't have a family, and they pray and search to be a part of one, we are blessed.