A Member in Good Standing

“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of His return is drawing near.”

(Hebrews 10:24-25 NLT)

When I first started these devotions, I asked a question: What kind of family member are you? I admitted that when God asked me that question, I couldn’t or wouldn’t answer it. I figured I might want to think about it for a minute before I give an answer. Well, I have thought about it, and I still don’t have an answer.

When I brought the subject back up to God, I asked, “How do I answer that question?”

He replied, “You don’t have to.”

I asked, “Really?”

He replied, “Really.”

Then I thought, okay then why did you bring it up? I said, I thought it; I never said it out loud. Although I know God knows our thoughts afar off. He knew I would think that before I did.

He told me that, “He asked so that I would be mindful to think about what kind of family member I am.”

Immediately the word “awareness” came to mind. Then I realized that I am not always aware of the kind of family member I am. I try to be, but too often, I just go about it mindlessly. I wake up in the morning and begin interacting with various people, including my family. Some days I would much rather interact with strangers than to intermingle with my family. When I thought about that, it made me think, why?

For me, the reason is that I don’t always know how to be the kind of family member that they may need me to be that day. For instance, there was a day when my mother was not feeling well and needed me to walk the dog. I wanted to walk the dog; and I probably should have walked the dog, but I was hurting and not feeling well myself. So, I didn’t walk the dog. As bad as I felt physically, I felt worse spiritually, because I felt like I should’ve pressed through my pain and helped her walk her dog; which is something I did daily until he passed away a few years ago.

She called me back a few minutes later and told me she had walked the dog and that she was okay. While I was beating myself up, she had done what she needed to do. I learned a valuable lesson that day. I learned that being a member in good standing doesn’t always mean you have to be a member who jumps at the needs of other family members. And it doesn’t even mean that you can’t say no when necessary. Her need was great, but the need for me not to hurt myself trying to meet her need was just as important. She is retired, but I was simply tired and in pain. 

Too often we think we must give, give, give of ourselves to be a good family member. Or that we must be without flaws and imperfections. Or that we can never say no because it would not be the loving thing to do. But it’s just the opposite; all we need to be a member in good standing is to be authentic, loving, compassionate, merciful, and helpful when possible.

A long time ago, I learned that authenticity is critical for good relationships. Remembering a time when I asked a family member for help and they agreed, until the day I needed the help, then they backed out. I found out later that they never wanted to help me in the first place; they only agreed because they didn’t know how to say no. At first, my feelings were hurt, but then I understood; it wasn’t so much the desire to say no that hurt me the most; it was because they said yes, when their heart meant no. Then, when they finally did say no, I was left scrambling for help at the last minute. It affected our relationship for a while because I lost trust in that person. Eventually, after God taught me the lesson, I was able to forgive the person and move beyond it. Now when I ask for help, I let them know: if you can’t help me, it’s okay to say no; God will send someone else.

To be a member in good standing, we need to be mindful that our every decision affects the other family members. We can’t be single-minded and family-oriented. A family is a unified body of members serving each other with a common goal, love. We need to be patient and forgiving when relating to each other. 

And we need to understand that even if we can’t meet each other’s needs; we are still a family, and somehow God will work it out. We can’t take advantage of each other in the name of family, and we can’t neglect each other in the name of family. Every member must be a contributing member to the body called family. If we all keep this in mind, then even when we fall short some days, we’ll still be able to love each other unconditionally and be members in good standing.

First Corinthians 13: 4-7 (KJV) reminds us that, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Prayer:

Father, thank you for my family. And thank you for my life. Help me in love to say yes when I need to. But also to have the courage and truthfulness to say no when I need to. And help me know the difference because I want to be available when it is absolutely necessary and loving to do so. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.